Today i came across a post on instagram, It was like a little competition entry were to participate you had to tag your "best friend" and state why they were your friend and what they meant to you.... now seems straight forward enough right? , well ,what if your like me and have no friends?! It is in situations like this when your sitting reading stories of girls telling their buddies they would be lost without them and chatting about memories. They shared that you can realise how lonely you really are...
I was not always without friends, infact from a young age I was always surrounded by lots of friends, boys and girls, being that I was the ultimate tomboy I swayed more to hanging around with the boys more than the girls. I just seemed to be more comfortable with them. But as I got to my late teens the numbers soon whittled down to less than a few as I had my first child at a very young age (18) , we all separated from then on as our lives took different turns, they went to university and enjoyed nights out in nightclubs as I was doing night feeds and nappy changes. Being only 18 it was soooo hard and I had to mature alot faster and settle down quicker, don't get me wrong I wasn't house bound or anything like that as my mum would babysit and let me head out with friends to try and have, in some ways a "normal" teenage nightlife. It wasn't for me though, I would rather be home with my baby than out boozing.
As me and the friends i did have left drift apart the more lonely I became. It is the worst feeling in the world when you feel that you have no-one to turn to, no one to just call up and gossip and have a laugh with, even to discuss how your day went. I spent most nights crying myself to sleep.Its a feeling I never thought would pass. I thought is it me? Am I a nasty person? Did I do something wrong? Why have I no friends? Am i a terrible person? But the older I became the more I realised that as nice as it would be to have friends it wasn't the be all and end all of life,My wee family were the most important people to me now and always will be. They are the best friends anyone could ask for ,and now having 3 daughters, a son and a husband to be I have all the friends I need.
I just wanted to take this opportunity to let you all know If you reading and if you ever feel like you have no-one then think again, I am here should you ever need someone to talk to,I was where you are now,loneliness is a horrible place but believe me when i say things get better through time, they ALWAYS do.
I hope you all have a fab day, and hope this helps you to get to know me a bit more, but for now its love, hugs and kisses from littlepainted me xxxooo
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