Ashamed to be in my own skin.

Hi lovlies
             I'm only just back from my fab wee holiday but because of limited internet access I was not able to publish til i came home.I couldn't think of a better time than to discuss the #stoptheshame campaign that stellar.ie started around 8 weeks ago that I had only come across before I left for my holiday might i add (where have i been) 

Seeing girls being able to walk around a beach in front of everyone with a little bikini on makes me want to throw on a huge woolly jumper and become a little holiday hermit and never show my body again....I have to confess I am 31 years old , I'm a mummy of 4 and i have never ever worn a bikini EVER! Don't get me wrong I  would absolutely love to prance around on holiday in a skimpy little two piece but unfortunately the little image demon in my head tells me other wise, 

 The reason being that While I was pregnant my skin stretched so bad that I was left with an awful amount of stretch marks and loose skin all across my stomach to the point where it just looks like I have skin of an old lady now, my belly button has become non existent  because of the loose skin that hangs above it. I refer to my stretch marks as my "tiger stripes" that I earned while carrying my babies though , I lovingly  tell my children that it's a little map to show where they have come from. I know I must sound like such a moaner and that a lot of women would give a limb just to have the "tiger stripes" that I have, yet here I am crying about them !  they just make me feel so unattractive... disgusting in fact! I don't feel comfortable with my husband to be even seeing my body, I still cover my tummy with my hands so he cant see it. As a 31 year old woman I should feel super sexy and have a nice toned tummy, not ashamed to show off at all. Jesus I don't even feel comfortable enough to take my kiddies to the swimming pool wearing a one piece because I feel like everyone can see my saggy old lady tummy and feels repulsed, now I know that people are not that bad but in my mind I feel like their eyes are burning through me.
I have and still am in fact considering cosmetic surgery just to remove the excess skin around my stomach,  no one knows how amazing that would make me feel about myself,and  if that's not self body shame then I  don't know what is. I know though that its 50% for my own self esteem issues and 50% for acceptance in society when I do eventually get the nerve to venture out in a bikini in the future. How wrong is that though, i shouldn't feel like I need to cover myself up so not to disgust others or myself, I want to say good ridings to this body shame of mine once and for all, I want to be able to flaunt my belly to the world and if the only way I can do that is by shouting from the roof tops #stoptheshame then so bloody be it. Ladies/gents/world here is my tummy, stretch marks and all! 

Im sorry if it repulses you but if I can show you all this then its a hugeeee step in the right direction ,I just want to be able to say to each and every one of you, be proud of your stretch marks ladies, each one tells a little story of it's own, and believe me we bloody well earned them!! I hope this gives other women that feel the same way about their body the courage to show off their tiger stripes too

 I hope you all have an amazing day whatever your up to, but for now its love,hugs and kisses from Littlepainted me xxxooo